Sunday, July 31, 2011

Comedian of the Week: Pete Correale

Pete Correale

A couple of years ago I saw his special on Comedy Central. It has been saved on my DVR ever since then and I've seen the show somewhere around 25 times. I just watched it again this past weekend and I still teared up two or three times! Now I know that comedy is sort of like food in that personal taste is the deciding factor of enjoyment... and of course whether or not you relate to the comedian's topics. So I won't feel badly if you hate it. I found a few clips from the special Pete Correale: The Things We Do for Love. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Ikea (2:32)

Drinking (2:16)

Music Lessons (1:53)

 Just Joe


NEXT WEEK:  Cows vs. Tigers

Saturday, July 30, 2011

What a Prayer!

I'm sure most people have seen this but just in case anyone missed Joe Helms' HI-larious pre-race invocation at the Nascar Nationwide series race in Nashville TN July 23, 2011: Pre-Race Prayer

And it was just a matter of time until the prayer made it to song form: Sing it, Joe!


Just Joe

Sunday, July 24, 2011

MMA Frustration

Over the past 6 years or so I've become a pretty big fan of MMA. To avoid confusion, I'm referring to the sport of Mixed Martial Arts and not the Massachusetts Municipal Association nor the Mobile Marketing Association. I truly get a kick (no pun intended) out of watching milennia old techniques being executed in a true-ish to life setting. I completely respect the fundamentals of each discipline -- boxing's jab, Muay Thai's teep, etc. -- but, of course, the exotic, more flashy techniques are my favorites. Who will ever forget Anthony Pettis's crazy kick in the 5th round of a title fight?!

But over the years it seems like injuries during training are on the rise. Including the upcoming UFC 133 event scheduled for August 6, 6 of the last 9 UFC cards, dating back to March 19, 2011, have had changes to the main event. That's not to mention the non-main event fights. UFC 133, for example, was originally to be headlined by former champ Rashad Evans vs. current champ Jon Jones for the light heavyweight championship. Unfortunately Jon Jones pulled out of the fight to have thumb surgery. Replacing Jones was the up-and-coming, undefeated Phil Davis... until he was injured in training and slated to have knee surgery. As it stands now, Evans will be fighting long time UFC veteran Tito Ortiz. I'll spare you the juicy back stories but suffice it to say that Ortiz vs. Evans is not Evans vs. Jones.

At the same UFC 133, FIVE other fight matchups have been altered or scrapped completely due to fighter injuries! Ok, so one is because of a car accident but that doesn't help my case.

         Originally                                           Became                                      Reason

Nogueira vs Franklin                          Scrapped                                 Nogueira (shoulder)
Pace vs. MacDonald                           Pace vs. Menjivar                 MacDonald replaced
                                                                                                                              an injured fighter at UFC 130
Mendes vs. Aldo (Champ)              Rahya vs. Mendes               Aldo (neck)
Matyushenko vs. Gustafsson          Hamill vs. Gustafsson         Matyushenko (undisclosed injury)
Fukuda vs. Natal                                  Phillipou vs. Natal               Fukuda (car accident/knee)


This being just one card at one event, it's easy to see how a fan's frustration can mount. I won't bother listing the other five main events that were recently altered. But how about this tidbit: Jones became champ by filling in for Evans at UFC 128 when Evans was injured training for that same title fight.

So the question becomes "what can be done to remedy the situation?" Well, you can't really ask fighters not to train as hard. Who would risk their personal safety like that? On top of that, the fights would not be as entertaining without proper, well executed technique. So, my solution is... ummm... uhhh... Okay, so I don't have a solution but I can still be frustrated and disappointed, right?

Just Joe


NEXT WEEK:  Comedian of the Week

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Owling

This is for one of my older followers who commented on planking:

Owling

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Miracle Fruit

I'm feeling pretty lazy this week so I'm just going to cite an online article that has all the information I was going to plagiarize anyway: The Miracle Fruit

Basically there is a fruit native to Western Africa that was "discovered" by Robert Harvey in the 1960s. The nearly olive sized, reddish fruit had a peculiar property in that after eating this fruit whatever was eaten next would taste much sweeter. The scientific explanation can be found here. The compound creating this effect, Miraculin, was isolated and reproduced. Foods could taste sweeter without the addition of sugar or sugar substitutes and without the addition of any calories! Some of the uses for the compound would be for the benefit of diabetics, cancer patients and people trying to lose weight. There were some pretty fishy goings-on that led to the compound being buried for quite some time. (This is the part of the article you really should read. Hopefully by only referring to the article, I won't be put on any government lists.)

On a brighter note, thanks to the 70s, "flavor tripping" parties became an underground success. People got together to eat the berries and then try out various normally sour or bitter foods to play with different flavor combinations. YouTube is littered with videos of modern parties as they seem to be regaining popularity. The most common reaction to a lemon, for instance, is that it tastes like lemonade. Followed closely by, "This is the best lemon I've ever had!"

Well, look at that, I guess I didn't feel quite as lazy as I thought. But this really is only the very short version.

********* SPOILER ALERT **************

Although Miraculin has not been approved as a food additive or artificial sweetening agent and is therefore not found in commercial food products, since the publishing of that article, freeze-dried miracle fruit, pill forms and powder forms of Miraculin can be purchased.

Just Joe


NEXT WEEK:  An MMA Fan's Frustration

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Derek Jeter, Roger Clemens

 -- Back on July 9 Derek Jeter entered the exclusive 3000 hits club in style by hitting his third home run of the season. The sub story was that of one Christian Lopez. He was the 23-year-old young man who caught the home run ball. Shortly after doing so he was swept away by Yankee Stadium security where he, without hesitation, freely handed the ball over. After the fact, some people have estimated the ball's value as high as $200,000 on the open market! Lopez has received tens of thousands of dollars worth of gifts from the Yankees and other New York businesses as a pat on the back. So the raging question in sports talk became "What would you have done if you caught the ball?" Well, here's what I would have done if I had caught the ball: I would have taken a pair of tiny scissors and cut the seams of the baseball. After burning the threads I would have fed the leather casing through a shredder, unraveled the 319 yards of wool yarn, lit one end like a wick and waited for the rubber center to be exposed. Then after peeling off the two thin rubber layers, I would throw the cork center into a recycle bin. Inside a Modern Baseball

"Why the hatred, Just Joe?" Well, it doesn't have anything to do with Jeter himself. It's hard not to respect that dude. It has more to do with the over coverage of the Yankees. Yankees this and Yankees that... it is made to seem like baseball wouldn't exist without them. So why is being overcovered their fault? Mostly, it isn't. I blame the media (coughing towards "The Ship of Mothers") and its reporters. I never fully bought into the "East Coast bias"that is claimed by non-East Coasters. But if you want to talk about a Northeast bias, particularly New York and Boston, I'm with you (yes, I see the irony). So my destruction of the baseball has more to do with punishing the Yankees and the reporters who have instilled this hatred in me.

I would like to add however that Mr. Jeter should have been at the All-Star game. If he didn't want to play, fine. But you were voted by fans the starting shortstop for the American League and you didn't make it because of "mental exhaustion?" I don't even know where to begin with that. I'll just say we should all be so lucky to have the "stress" of our imminent 3000th hit. Just get on the private jet, tip your cap and fly home. On the other hand, after 16 years of seemingly perfect decision-making, he is allowed to mess up one decision.

 -- And finally for today, Roger Clemens. The perjury trial against him began and there's already a rumor/speculation that Clemens will not testify. I understand the Fifth Amendment and that Clemens does not have to testify against himself and that it is a wise strategy for being found "not guilty," but that is way different than being found "innocent." If you're trying to scream from every mountaintop to maintain your innocence, then don't defend yourself by merely poking holes in the character of the main witness against you. Get up there and take the heat. If you do that then there might actually be a chance to recover your reputation. But to say "I swear I didn't do it" with your only defense being that the accuser is of poor moral character... doesn't quite scream innocence.

Just Joe

***********************  UPDATE  *************************

Don't you love it when you comment on an ongoing trial only to find out 30 seconds after clicking "Publish Post" that the trial has been declared a "mistrial?" Thanks a lot, screwy prosecution! My guess is that Clemens skates. As much as you can't let anyone get away with lying to Congress, allegedly, I'm not sure we want to spend the money involved in starting from square one.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Story Time with Grampa Joe: My First X Games

Chicago Suburbs, Summer of 1983:  Way too short shorts worn with tube socks stretched to the brink of failure was all the rage.

My 8 year old friends and I were finally comfortable enough riding our bikes that we decided to introduce a rickety ramp into the equation. We began by simply riding over the ramp -- our front tires landed before our back tires. But pretty soon I noticed that one of my friends was catching enough air that both of his tires were landing at the same time! Evel Knieval he was! I picked his brain to learn his technique:

"Just go fast and pull up on the handlebars at the last second."

Easy enough. I started back a bit further than before and got up to full speed. I hit the ramp and at the last moment I pulled up on my handlebars for all I was worth. The next thing I knew I was soaring through the air. If I would have had a front basket with an alien in it, I could have been a movie poster! OK, so I wouldn't have medalled at the X Games but I did end up clearing the width of a two car driveway. Unfortunately, having never done this before, I wasn't nearly prepared for the landing force. On the bright side, my ribs didn't cave in when they met the handlebars. Upon being laid out in the grass swail, I realized two things: 1) my friends were rushing over to congratulate me on my brief flight and 2) I couldn't breathe. The wind was knocked out of me and my vision began to tunnel. The next thing I knew I was waking up on the sofa in our family room asking my mom how I got there.

Ft. Lauderdale Suburbs, Summer of 2011:  Justin Bieber and "planking" were all the rage.

I was recounting this story with my mom when a question came to mind. So I asked, "Hey, Ma, why didn't you take your unconscious son to the hospital?" The answer was a shrug and, "I dunno." I had to chuckle as I considered how hysterical most mothers, including mine, would be today in the same situation. I mean, an unconscious kid after a bike accident could have dozens of serious issues. I guess sometimes moms just know!

Just Joe


NEXT WEEK:  Miracle Fruit

Thursday, July 7, 2011

State of Jefferson

I came across two tidbits recently.

This first one involves an area of the country that originally fought to become the 49th state back in 1941. There were some counties in northern California and southern Oregon that became disenchanted with the unkept promises made by their respective states to repair and build access roads to the mineral rich area. Finally, in November 1941, the citizens named their state (Jefferson), picked a capital (Yreka, CA) and even blocked off a section of highway in order to hand out their Proclamation of Independence. On December 4th a governor was elected. A nighttime parade was held and well documented by media of the time. In fact, the newsreels were sent out and were planned to be aired the week of December 8. As you history majors may recall, a significant news event took place on December 7, 1941... the bombing of Pearl Harbor! So ended the State of Jefferson's rebellion as they patriotically took up defense of the country. A small movement still remains though it does not appear to be quite as staunch: Jefferson State.

The second tidbit I find HI-larious. In Maine there is a very high Massachusetts transplant population and the locals find their driving -- among other things -- to be... subpar. So what do Maine-folk durogatorily call these transplants? "Massholes!"

Just Joe

Sunday, July 3, 2011

What is a Sport?

... or more precisely "what activities qualify as a sport?" It seems like a pretty simple question but I've had many conversations with people who were discussing exactly that. First I'll make a short and incomplete list of sports and non-sports as I see them. Then once some of you are sufficiently aggravated I'll give my reasoning.

Sports: Football, Futbol/Soccer, Hockey, Baseball/Softball, Tennis, Basketball, Boxing, Table Tennis, Water Polo, Auto Racing (begrudgingly), Volleyball, Cycling (non-time trials)


Not Sports: Figure Skating, Track and Field events (except running events where runners are allowed to leave their lanes), Swimming, Diving, Darts, Skydiving, Water Skiing, Gymnastics, Snow Skiing, Surfing, Bungee Jumping, Cycling (time trials) AND... Golf!

So there you have it, an incomplete list of both sports and non-sports. Reasoning time!

I use two simple guidelines in determining a sport. Guideline 1: If judging is the only component to determining a winner, then it's not a sport. Guideline 2: If someone isn't trying to impede whatever you're trying to achieve, it's not a sport. Or put another way, no defense, no sport.

I'd like to make an important distinction here. Just because I don't believe a particular activity is a sport, does NOT mean I think the participants are not athletes. In fact, running fast, jumping high and far, swimming fast, hand eye coordination, foot eye coordination and body control are practically definitions of athleticism in my book. But if you are restricting the athleticism to a comparative event, then you're basically engaging in a "skills challenge"; let's see who does a technically better dive, let's see who runs faster, let's see who can jump further, etc. These might compare and measure athleticism but they are not sports. Gymnastics is a great example of athletes in a non-sport. Is anyone more athletic than a gymnast? Athletically they have it all: speed, strength, flexibility, endurance, coordination. But what they are doing in competition is a skills challenge not a sport. They are being rated on the technique of their discipline and are actually in competition with their own selves to perform the discipline as flawlessly as possible. A panel of judges then decides who was closest to perfect. This is akin to watching batting practice, fielding practice and pitcher warm-ups for both teams before a baseball game and then deciding a winner based on the batters' swings, fielders' form and pitchers' "stuff!" Thus, gymnasts are athletes but gymnastics is not a sport.

Sport vs Skills Challenge examples: Cycling time trials (when cyclists are separately timed over a set distance) and running events that require staying in a lane involve athletes. But after both competitions, times are compared and a winner declared; not a sport. Cycling or running in a pack can involve defense in that your progress can be purposely impeded by another participant; sport. Golf is a funky type obstacle course; not a sport. Combat sports (MMA, boxing, etc.) use judges but only after an allotted time (for fighter safety) in which the fighters themselves can decide the outcome; sport.

One last example to wrap up my Sport vs Skills Challenge argument is the NFL Scouting Combine. Many college football players who are eligible for the NFL Draft are invited to this event so they can be weighed and measured in an attempt to impress an NFL team. They run the 40 yard dash to measure speed. They jump vertically from a standing position to measure vertical leap. They broad jump to measure leg power. They have several change of direction drills designed to measure quickness and body control. All of these are athletic skills. But the scouts are there to try to figure out how an individual will translate those skills onto a field in the sport of football.

There you have it, my take on Sport vs. Non-Sport. I'm expecting to hear from angry golfers but we'll see.

Just Joe


NEXT WEEK:  Story Time with Grampa Joe