So Tired of the Left

Every time I see it, it's "left" this and "left" that. Left, left, left, left, left!

I can't help but wonder "wouldn't NASCAR be a little more interesting if they had just a few races that went right each year?" In case there are any NASCAR fans reading this, I'm aware of the road courses that require both left and right turns but I'm questioning the oval races. I'm not a NASCAR fan in the least but if they had one race that was clockwise, I'd probably actually watch some of it just because it's different -- like inter-league play in Major League Baseball. Who knows, maybe in the few laps that I would watch I'd become hooked. It doesn't seem likely for me personally but they have to get their foot in the door somehow.

With the Indy 500 being run tomorrow (yes, I know that isn't NASCAR) it got me wondering why auto racing, and nearly all racing in the United States, is run counterclockwise. So I scoured the Internet for at least 15 minutes to find an answer.  Don't worry, it wasn't more than 20 minutes. Here are the more believable answers I found:

Why are NASCAR races run counterclockwise in the first place? Because at its inception NASCAR adopted horse racing's precedent.

OK, easy enough but I dug a wee bit deeper.

Why were horse races run counterclockwise? They weren't. Well, not outside of the U.S. Counterclockwise racing was introduced by American Revolution supporter William Whitley in 1780. The British had established clockwise horse racing so, of course, to be contrary Whitley began running horse races counterclockwise. Sounds plausible to me (see "Freedom Fries" circa 2002). The idea caught on and eventually stuck for the horses and was naturally held over for auto racing.

And the original question: Why not try the right?  The best answer I could find deals with driver safety. In American cars the driver side is on the left. So if they were to drive the track clockwise, the driver would be on the side of the car nearer the wall which leaves less car to crumple during an accident. Of course, that just means that currently they are driving with other cars on their left side instead of the wall! Which is more dangerous? I'm afraid that would take more than five minutes of Internet searching to find out so consider that question as reader homework. Although, I may spend five minutes composing an e-mail to see if I can get NASCAR's official response to racing clockwise. I'll be sure to update all of you who will be waiting with bated breath.

Just Joe


NEXT WEEK: Art Imitating Life?

Million Dollar Idea Stolen

So get this…

Winter, Many Moons Ago:  There was a particular day where I had become so cold that I began shivering. I know, I know. “Who shivers in Florida?” But I got to thinking about physiology for some reason and I told myself, “At least you’re burning calories.” To be certain I ran it by my buddy who is a doctor. He confirmed that if body temperature drops, the body will burn calories to maintain warmth. So facetiously I commented that I should just stay cold 24/7 then I wouldn’t have to work out or even diet to lose weight! We then joked about the concept and how ridiculous it would be for someone to do this.

April, 2011:  I was in bed late one night listening to my TV while I was in between awake and asleep when I hear a local news tease: “How ice baths can help with weight loss. Tonight at 11.” Much like my Be Like Water moment, I thought, “Did I hear that right?” Unable to tolerate the local newscast, I woke up the next morning and “search engined” “ice bath weight loss.” Results… 37,100. First result: “The Dr. Oz Show!”  In the couple of seconds it took to click on the link, I talked myself down from being angry at some joker making money – big money – off of an idea that I could have used to do the same.

Turns out that some guy (I just can't bring myself to advertise for him) has introduced ice bathing several times per week to accelerate weight loss. Actually, it’s the main strategy of this regimen. By lowering core body temperature, the body burns fat to release the calories necessary for stabilizing body temperature. Sounds vaguely familiar! AND YouTube is littered with video testimonials of how well it works!!

So it turns out that I may have a mind for ideas but I continually overestimate people’s ability to reason. That is, I can’t seem to get it through my thick skull that “there is a sucker born every minute ”; especially when it comes to no effort weight loss.

Just Joe

PS  I may have overstated the "stolen idea" accusation since knowledge of basic physiology is hardly patented but hey, you read it! 

NEXT WEEK:   So Tired of the Left

The Miami Bulls Live

I promise not to make a habit of pointing out times I may be right because on the flip side I should then be required to point out the times I'm dead wrong; who has the time for that?! Do you sense a "but" coming...

BUT did you see the Heat closeout Game 2 against the Bulls with a 12-2 run over the last seven minutes? Sounds a lot like the Boston series (Heat Conquer Celtics). Never mind that the Heat had built a couple of 10 point leads throughout the game only to lose them -- as opposed to hanging close and turning it on at the end. And never mind the 20 point loss in Game 1. With my tongue firmly planted in my cheek I can say with those two caveats, my original point about this team reminding me of the 90s Bulls still holds water.

Being a genius sure is easy when you make up your own rules as you go along!

Be Like Water

So get this…

Have you ever come across a quotation that for some reason just seems to speak to you?

Five or so years ago I heard an interview with Bruce Lee where he said, “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle; you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”  [Bruce Lee interview clip] (For my MMA audience, Lee similarly stated that the best fighting style is “no style,” meaning one should be able to adapt to any and all fighting disciplines.)  

This really stuck with me as I, too, have always been a proponent of adaptability and “going with the flow” especially as it pertains to going through life; and this was the first time I had ever heard a metaphor so beautifully articulate my own personal dogma.  Having been the first interview I’d ever seen of Bruce Lee, I immediately inserted him into the upper echelon of my “Respect” scale. 

Fast forward to three weeks ago.  Imagine my surprise when I was reading the famous 2,500-year-old book called “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu and I came across this quote: “Military tactics are like unto water... Water shapes its course according to the nature of the ground over which it flows… Therefore, just as water retains no constant shape, so in warfare there are no constant conditions.”

Now I’m not one to think that anything and everything good was thought of or invented yesterday, but my internal dialogue went something like, “Wait, did that just read ‘be like water?’ B-b-b-but that’s what Bruce said. What -- ? How did -- ? Ohhhh, right, the world did exist before me.” Sun Tzu, a contemporary of both Confucius and the Buddha, was the original martial artist; at least he was the first to write a book about it.

I could write hundreds of pages about my deference for the ancients of any culture but to make a long story short, I’ve recalibrated my “Respect” scale. Not because I had to downgrade Bruce – he still had to be brilliant enough to think like I do – but because I had to elevate the ancestors who came first. I know they knew more than we know they knew.

Just Joe


Next Week:  My most recent million dollar idea... THAT WAS STOLEN!

Heat Conquer Celtics

Congratulations to the Miami Heat who finished off a five-game series with the defending Eastern Conference champion Boston Celtics. The series wasn’t nearly as close as I expected it to be but I think injuries played a pretty big part – not necessarily in the outcome – in how easy Miami made it look.

The Miami Heat reminded me of those 90s Bulls teams and even of the more recent dominating Lakers teams in this series. Particularly the last game, it seemed like the Heat were just interested in keeping the score close until the fourth quarter when they would clamp down and just overwhelm the opposing team. No, I am not saying this team is as good as those Bulls teams or those Lakers teams… yet. But to finish off a veteran Celtics team with a 16-0, run in the final 4:15 of a closeout game is no small feat. Add to that the late 14-0, run to put away Game 2 and then outscoring Boston in the Game 4 overtime 12-4, and the comparison seems quite apt, at least for this series.  There was no pussyfooting around. The Heat put their foot on the neck of the Celtics and ended it with the “killer instinct” that those two previously mentioned teams were renowned for.

Can they keep it up? After such an emotional win, teams usually go in one of two directions: they either carry the momentum on to a championship win or they get swept the in next round. With the amount of recovery time this team will have, I feel like they’ll be able to get their heads on straight and take the former direction. (This isn’t a TOTAL homer pick as I used to live in Chicago and was a big fan of the Bulls.)

Dear Television God (or is it Gods?)

There is a certain entertainment and sports programming network that has gotten on my last nerve… again! Sometime around 2000 I began realizing that this network was trying to manipulate me into caring about aspects of sports that I really don’t care about and that don’t make much sense.  Imagine that, media manipulation for profit!  I’m not sure what awakened me to the light. Perhaps it was turning 25 years old. I would have thought that would put me square in the middle of their target demographic but what do I know?

So a couple of Thursdays ago the NFL held their annual amateur draft.  A few days before I had been flipping through TV channels and happened to do a “drive-by” of this particular channel. Their NFL show (that I will refer to as “Live NFL”) was having draft coverage, as one might expect on a show about professional football. However, in the lower left corner of the screen was a countdown timer that read 75 hours and however many minutes and seconds! Seriously?! If I’m an NFL fan I already know when the draft is so the timer is as necessary as a humidifier in Miami on the 4th of July. Do they think some college kid is slamming energy drinks, watching the show and counting down? “Hey, guys, come here! Look!  Look! Seventyyyyyyyy… FOUR hours left!!  WOOOOOOO!!!!”  Not even at the peak of my sports fandom did a countdown timer increase my excitement or anticipation.  And I used to watch a minimum of four episodes per day of their flagship show “CenterSports!”  I’m ashamed to say that I would view four consecutive episodes, repeats and all!

Okay, so maybe the countdown timer’s purpose was to inform the borderline fan when the draft was taking place? Well, I’m not sure a countdown timer of over 75 hours is much help. Personally, I would still need an abacus and a calendar to figure out a countdown timer that’s that far out.  If you’re actually interested in pointing someone to your coverage of the draft, instead of the timer, why don’t you just put the time and date that your coverage begins!!  “What?  Impossible! Having all this technology at our hands yet keeping it simple? Preposterous!”

Sure, this is one tiny detail that is easily lost amongst millions of other details that are also insignificant but this was just the latest to draw my ire. (Don’t get me started on why the “information scroll” won’t tell you what channel an event is on unless it’s within the genealogy of the original channel! Maybe I’ll give up looking for the Super Bowl and just watch this World Series of Poker rerun.)

In conclusion, a certain televised, well listened to radio show host (Dan Patrick) refers to this particular channel as “The Mother Ship” as a nod to their pioneering status. I, however, shall henceforth nickname this channel “The Ship of Mothers” as a wag of the finger to all the people who have mangled what I once loved. [Please note that I’m not referring to “women with children” type mothers.]

Sincerely,

Just Joe

PS  Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I love you!

*  This was my first attempt so please don’t give up on me. Obviously, I plan on improving with each entry!